The tales of a fat girl who is slowly changing her life one day at a time.
And looking forward to the day when she can ditch the lifetime label - "fat".
I am the assistant director of the youth musical that opens TONIGHT! So we have been in tech all week and I am pretty exhausted between that and working a full time job. And in the past, I have totally thrown my eating out the window in situations like this – just gone for whatever was close at hand no matter the calorie count. I had been doing really well up until yesterday. A co-worker brought in her amazing homemade salsa. Now there is nothing wrong with salsa – but what do you eat salsa with? Tortilla chips. So I kinda went a little overboard on the chips yesterday but didn’t have much else besides soup. But today I didn’t have breakfast so I let myself get too hungry. Someone brought in lunch meat and cheese to make sandwiches. I didn’t have any bread, but I did have kind of a lot of cheese. And the cheese was the gateway to the trail mix. I had 2 paper cups of fruit and nut mix, which was the gateway to a little bit of the really good trail mix with the M&M’s in it.
I was eating in front of my computer and flicking through old pictures on Facebook and I realized how much I have changed. I really do look very different than I did before. And I really like the direction that I am heading in. But tomorrow I am supposed to go weigh in at WW and I was on track to finally get my 50 pound star. This is the 2nd time I have been so close and have fallen off the wagon the days prior. There is some part of me somewhere that does not want me to lose this weight. 50 pounds is a really big milestone, and something inside of me isn’t ready. But I don’t want that part to win, because the rest of me is very ready. I think that I have used my weight as a shield between me and other people. I have a built in shelter, a way to only let me get so close. But I don’t want to live behind that shield anymore, I am ready to drop it and move on and never look back. I hope that I didn’t totally shoot myself in the foot for my weigh in tomorrow, but if I did I just need to shrug it off, keep going, and hope to hit it next week.
Here are some before and afters. The before pictures are in 2009 and the afters are in 2012.
I work at a church and there is constantly food everywhere. And most of it ends up sitting right in front of me because I sit in the admin area. So I have decided that I am going to take pictures of everything in the office that I would normally eat. This way I am aware of my surroundings and won’t start mindless eating. By posting a picture of the food I am telling it that it doesn’t have power over me. Which might sound really weird, but I think it will help!
The salad I made for my co-workers today. Strawberries, blackberries, almonds and blue cheese on spring greens with vinaigrette. So good!
Well the last time that I blogged anything was September 2011. Not quite a year but getting close! I am really going to make an effort to blog more often. Even if no one is reading this, I think that it will help me stay accountable and be able to get all of my junk out on paper. I also recently got an iPad which will make things a little easier!
I’m not going to try and catch you up on the last few months of my life because honestly nothing that amazing has happened to me. I have started the 17 day diet and am currently on my 2nd time on Cycle 1. But I wanted to share my 2 small victories from today.
I went out to lunch with a co-worker today and we went to Red Robin. Now I have loved Red Robin since I was a little girl, especially their Freckled Lemonade and bottomless garlic Parmesan steak fries with ranch. Not exactly the most heart healthy food in the world. So today I got a BBQ chicken wrap that came with the fries so I asked for a salad instead. The waitress then proceeded to bring a huge extra basket of fries and plop them down in front of me. And I didn’t have one!
I am the assistant director for my church’s youth musical so I am constantly surrounded by teens and junk food. We had a pizza party tonight and I didn’t have any! I went downstairs and heated some grilled chicken and cherry tomatoes. It is so much easier to eat healthy when you are mentally strong and make decisions beforehand and not in the moment. That is what I need to continue to remember - to keep my head in the game.
Hope you are all doing well and I hope to be blogging more!
you just have to start.
Yes - I really don’t want it back! You can have it universe!
(via likehermesonlyslower)Believe To Achieve
Don’t be afraid to eat.. food isn’t the problem.
(Source: theloveyourselfchallenge)love yourself
Well I have been MIA for a while. I have been really busy at work and then I got food poisoning this week :(
Things have been going pretty well. I weighed in at Weight Watchers last Saturday and I lost 1.2 pounds for a grand total of 37.4 pounds! Whoop whoop - I am so close to 40! And since the food poisoning, I haven’t eat much more than crackers and grilled cheese. I am finally starting to feel better though.
Workouts have not been going so well. I think I went once last week…oops! I will get back to it as soon as I am all better!
I have also decided that I am not going to continue with the 17 day diet for now. It’s so restrictive and I am just not in the mood to stick to it right now! Haha! So I am going to stick with Weight Watchers, which works - as long as you follow the program and count your points duh! At least that way I can have froyo!
Hope you are all doing well!